I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
