I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
