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• (425): View more from Washington

  Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  my head looks like a cockatoo

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom

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• (310): View more from California

  i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses

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• (731): View more from Tennessee

  the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.

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• (661): View more from California

  I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight

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• (360): View more from Washington

  last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  I forgot wine drunk hurts

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.

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