It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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