Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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