I just made out with a guy for $7.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
