I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
