I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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