he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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