i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
