it was like his penis was on wheels.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just invented taco cereal.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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