saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
