I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
