Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Four minutes until I can fart!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize