I want to have your abortion
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
