This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
