I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
