I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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