Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
