Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
