I think I am morally bankrupt
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I forget how to act sober
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
