Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
