Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
