Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
