Please, let me fuck your mom
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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