never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize