He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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