she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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