awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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