I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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