I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
