I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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