week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
