think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
