Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize