Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
