I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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