You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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