the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
