Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
