She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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