I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
