Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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