Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
