I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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