Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
