How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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