it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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