How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
