i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
