a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
