is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
