You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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