i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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