I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
