So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
