Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
