HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
