wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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