Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
