do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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