Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
