shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
