if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
