she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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