How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
