guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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