Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize