Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
