I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
