My liver just broke up with me...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize