did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The Olympian is in my bed
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