So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
