Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
