i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
