Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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