Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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