I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
True strength comes from lack of pants
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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