Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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