Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
