well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
