Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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