I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He kissed a someone with a penis
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
