It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
