And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
