If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
