come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
two words...techno handjob
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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