I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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