I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
