the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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