If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
please don't ironically join a cult
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