So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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